I Fall When You Leave

All of a sudden this quest to find the meaning of life seems pointless.
My wanderings have stopped, my questions have ceased.
It's almost like I'm back behind the beginning, searching for my way to the start line.
It's impossible to find it.
No matter how hard I try I still can't reach it.
And that is how it feels to be me.
Lost alone and scared, wandering round in broken circles
trying to find the line

where I can finally start the process to accepting this.

Because right now.

I can't.

It's just too hard.

'Know that when you leave

By blood and by mean
You walk like a thieve
By blood and by mean
I fall when you leave'

Try To Let Go

Ten days.
That's not along time, but at the same time it is.
Because it still doesn't feel real.
It hasn't quite reached me that I will never see you again.
No matter how hard I try, I can't believe it.
I said goodbye, but I can't comprehend goodbye forever.
Experiencing life on my own, another concept I can't understand.

I miss you, but not enough that it hurts.
Soon it will.
And I don't know if I'll be able to carry on.
Truthfully, I don't think I will.
But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Won't we.

And I promised that when I hurt.
I would play your white stripes song.
Even if I didn't like it.
Because It reminds me of you.

Is it bad to cling to the past, well last holidays being the past?
If the person in your past is gone.
Maybe I should try and let go, even though I feel like I haven't got a grasp yet.

Darkness spirals upwards, and it hasn't engulfed me yet.
I'm still floating on a cloud of dreams, and that is where I will stay,
until you truly say good bye.

'When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul

Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins'

All of these images are about love, and hate, and being yourself.

But none of them are about being alone.

And none of them are about the pain I feel

because you are gone.

I Could Really Use A Wish Right Now

I told you not to forget me.

I told you to remember that I was here, and if there was one thing you had to do, it was to live for me.

But you seem to have forgotten that I exist, and you scream at each other, hit each other, throw things at each other,

tell me that nothing is worth while.

I am worthwhile,

I am still here.

I matter.

Instead I feel more alone and scared then I have ever felt before.

And I see you forget to breather, and I have to remind you to eat

and I am the one telling you to breathe, to carry on living

even though you ask what for

I still do it.

I have to.

I have no choice.

If it wasn't for me you would both be dead.

That's why I want you to wake up tomorrow and see,

that even in this time of utter darkness,

I can be the light at the end of your tunnel.

'Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now'

I didn't know how hard this was going to be when I started out on this journey. Growth and renewal, you're always going to be a part of me baby Brother. I love you so much, I don't know why you had to leave us so early, but the good always die young eh, that's what you said. xox

I Thought That It Was

I thought that it was what I wanted.

It turns out, that I never really did want it,

I just wanted reassurance,

that you were my friend

and would be there

forever.

Win. Lose. Draw.

Everybody wants you to be the best, but no-one wants you to win.

It's a fact of life. Everybody wants you to lose,

so they can win.

'I'm a walking disaster
dont wanna hurt you thats why you got to go
destruction like fire on the ground
that's why you got to go'