Brick By Boring Brick

She lives in a fairy tale
Somewhere too far for us to find
Forgotten the taste and smell
Of the world that she's left behind
It's all about the exposure the lens I told her
The angles were all wrong now
She's ripping wings off of butterflies

Keep your feet on the ground
When your head's in the clouds

Well go get your shovel
And we'll dig a deep hole
To bury the castle, bury the castle (x2)

Ba da ba da ba

So one day he found her crying
Coiled up on the dirty ground
Her prince finally came to save her
And the rest you can figure out
But it was a trick
And the clock struck 12
Well make sure to build your house brick by boring brick
or the wolves gonna blow it down

Keep your feet on the ground
When your head's in the clouds

Well go get your shovel
And we'll dig a deep hole
To bury the castle, bury the castle (x2)

Well you built up a world of magic
Because your real life is tragic
Yeah you built up a world of magic

Well, if it's not real
You can't hold it in your hands
You can't feel it with your heart
And I won't believe it
But if it's true
You can see it with your eyes
Even in the dark
And that's where I want to be, yeah

Go get your shovel
We'll dig a deep hole
To bury the castle, bury the castle (x2)

Ba da ba da ba...

Crying Is Ok Here

Make It Through The Day

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gXh6iR5Ogo&feature=related

'When you're down and troubled
And you need a helping hand
And nothing, nothing is going right
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest night

You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You've got a friend

If the sky above you
Should turn dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind should begin to blow
Keep your head together
And call my name out loud, yeah
Soon I'll be knocking upon your door

You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running, oh yes I will
To see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ain't it good to know that you've got a friend
When people can be so cold
They'll hurt you, and desert you
And take your soul if you let them
Oh yeah, but don't you let them

You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there, yes I will.

You've got a friend
You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again (oh baby don't you know)
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
Lord, I'll be there yes I will.
You've got a friend

Oh, you've got a friend.
Ain't it good to know you've got a friend.
Ain't it good to know you've got a friend.
You've got a friend. '

'When everything is going wrong
And things are just a little strange
It's been so long now
You've forgotten how to smile.
And overhead the skies are clear
But it still seems to rain on you,
And your only friends all have
Better things to do.

[Chorus:]
When your down and lost
And you need a helping hand
When your down and lost
Along the way
Oh, just tell yourself
Ah, I'll be OK

Now things are only getting worse
And you need someone to take the blame
When your lover's gone
There's no-one to share the pain
Your sleeping with the TV on
And your lying in an empty bed
All the alcohol in the world
Could never help me to forget

[Chorus:]
When your down and lost
And you need a helping hand
When your down and lost
Along the way,
Just try a little harder
Try your best to make it
Through the day,
Oh just tell yourself
Ah, I'll be OK

You're not alone (you're not alone)
You're not alone (you're not alone)
You're not alone

Just tell yourself
Ah, I'll be OK
Oh, just tell yourself
Ah, I'll be OK
Won't you tell yourself

[Chorus:]
When your down and lost
And you need a helping hand
When your down and lost
Along the way,
Try a little harder
Try your best to make it
Through the day

Oh, just tell yourself
Ah, I'll be OK
Ah, I'll be OK
Ah, I'll be OK '

This Is It What You Wanted To Know All Along

I guess I do it because I'm scared.

I'm scared of the truth, of what my life consists of. Or doesn't consist of.

I'm sorry I did it.

I am.

I'm sorry it made you doubt me, and I'm sorry you can't trust me.

But behind it all, I'm still here.

I'm still Me.

Although none of my life is really real. In my head I need something to cover who I am. Becuase I'm scared of being neglected, I'm scared of being me. SO I create something that I can see as a montage inside my head. Of how my life should be. BUt it's not like that. Bar you guys.

And a couple of people back home.

I just want to protect myself from people I guess.

I'm scaredto trust anyone, and I don't want anyone to trust me.

Lone rider.

I guess.

And I know by doing it, I have no friends,

but that's ok. I guess.

I have myself.

And the confusing mess that is my head.

And yeah I want friends,

that are friends.

But I'm not that sort of person.

The one that is just outgoing, extrovert, amazing.

I'm withdrawn and kind of introvert.

that's ok by me,

but just not by the standards of everyone else.

This is ok.

I am ok.

I understand if none of you really want to talk to me again.

I get it.

But I still want to be there.

And just.

Do everything.

Be everything.

I'm a CL.

I know that.

But take it or leave it.

You never have to believe me.

I guess I just don't want anyone to know the truth.

I love you all too much.

You mena the world to me.

I want to be different, happy, and just normal.

It's hard to change.

We all know that.

'Better run for cover
You're a hurricane full of lies
And the way you're heading
No one's getting out alive

So do us all a favor
Would you find somebody else to blame
'Cause your words are like bullets and I'm the way your weapons aim

Yes
I can feel the burn with things that I don't know about you baby
You're not misunderstood but you got
You got to go

(Lies)
Living in a fantasy
(Lies)
Don't even know reality
(Lies)
When you start talking I start walking
(Lies)
Lies
Lies
Lies

Don't even wanna know the truth
(Lies)
The devil has his eye on you girl
(Lies)
When you start talking I start walking
(Lies)
Lies
Lies
Lies

So don't forget your seatbelt
Don't you think of picking up the phone
Better say your prayers 'cause you're never gonna make it home

Did you miss the stop sign
That last decision was your last
'Cause you can't come back once you're lying in the broken glass

And I hold
You get to here me say, "Who gets the last laugh now"

(Lies)
Living in a fantasy
(Lies)
Don't even know reality
(Lies)
When you start talking I start walking
(Lies)
Lies
Lies
Lies

Don't even wanna know the truth
(Lies)
The devil has his eye on you girl
(Lies)
When you start talking I start walking
(Lies)
Lies
Lies
Lies

No more excuses
No more running
Only God can save you now
(God can save you now)
'Cause I know the truth
Time is running out

And I'm just one drink away
And I'm back in Wonderland like it was yesterday
And you get to hear me say, "Who gets the last"
"Who gets the last"
"Who gets the last laugh now"

(Lies)
Living in a fantasy
(Lies)
Don't even know reality
(Lies)
When you start talking I start walking
(Lies)
Lies
Lies
Lies

Don't even wanna know the truth
(Lies)
The devil has his eye on you girl
(Lies)
When you start talking I start walking
(Lies)
Lies
Lies
Lies

Woah
Oh
Oh
Lies
Lies
Lies

Woah
Oh
Oh
Lies
Lies
Lies

Woah
Oh
Oh
Lies
Lies
Lies

Woah
Oh
Oh
Lies
Lies
Lies'

Forever Love

Should we say go
Should we say stay
Do we stand tall
Or do we fade away

Do we keep on
Or do we fall down
I won't say goodbye
I won't say that now

I'll keep loving you forever
Because I swore I would
You know my word is good
I'll keep loving you forever
Because I swore I would
You know my word is good

You, forever and ever, love

Ender Will Save Us All

It's just like you to contest
you wear it like a label on your breast
don't you see what this takes of me?
A certain callousness complies
with your charm & in your pride
a hopeful look draped in despise.

I want to give you
whatever you need.
What is it you need?
Is it what I need?
I want to give you
whatever you need.
What is it you need?
Is it within me?

It's hard to explain how I am getting by
on so little from you.
It's hard to believe that I would let myself
get so wrapped in you.
There's got to be something that would
be worthwhile for me to give to you.
We need a connection but you
seem to push me far away from you.

The harder I push the further I fall.
Well you don't mind me being headstrong.
But you don't want to sing along.
Maybe it's trite but I can always be wrong
Try not to be wrong.

The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most

Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself
And covered with a perfect shell
Such a charming, beautiful exterior
Laced with brilliant smiles and shining eyes
Perfect posture, but you're barely scraping by
But you're barely scraping by

This is one time, this is one time
That you can't fake it hard enough to please everyone
Or anyone at all...or anyone at all
And the grave that you refuse to leave
The refuge that you've built to flee,
The places that you've come to fear the most,
Is the place that you have come to fear the most.

Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself
And hidden in the public eye
Such a stellar monument to loneliness
Laced with brilliant smiles and shining eyes
Perfect make-up, but you're barely scraping by
But you're barely scraping by...

Well this is one time, well this is one time
That you can't fake it hard enough to please everyone
Or anyone at all...or anyone at all
And the grave that you refuse to leave
The refuge that you've built to flee,
The places that you've come to fear the most,
Is the place that you have come to fear the most.

And you can't fake it hard enough to please everyone
Or anyone at all..or anyone at all
And the grave that you refuse to leave
The refuge that you've built to flee,
The places that you've come to fear the most,
Is the place that you've come to fear the most,
Is the place that you have come to fear the most.

For You To Notice Me

I'm starting to fashion an idea in my head
where I would impress you
with every single word I said.
Would come out insightful or brave or smooth or charming
and you'd want to call me
And I would be there every time
you'd need me
I'd be there every time...
But for now I'll look so longingly
waiting...
For you to want me, for you to need me, for you to notice me

Vindicated

Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye

And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated

I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intentions
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me so isolated, so motivated
I am certain now that

So turn
Up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away

Slight hope
It dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...

One Last Thing I Share Should Be Something Special

Photos from my camera.

Life is how we live it.

It's time to take a turn for the better.

What Have I Done.

BLANK

BLANK SPACE>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I'm full of it.

And I don't know what to fill it with.

Realize

I read through all my old blogs.

And I realise how small my problems were before now.

What has happened to me?

I don't know. I don't know what has happened.

All of a sudden.

My problems seem much bigger.

And more in my face.

Then I ever imagined they could be.

Drop It Low

You Are Not Insignificant.

And You can't stop me worrying.

Because who else can I care as much As I cared about my brother.

Except for you.

You're my sister.

Except sometimes.

I feel like you just want to hurt.

And you don't want me to help you.

And that hurts.

Because you matter the most.

I love you so much.

That anyone or anything.

That tries to hurt you.

Will be dead and gone.

Because I care.

About you. About her.

About them.

I do.

I'm just not that good at showing it.

I guess.

Sometimes.

Don't hide from me too much.

Just leave a little gap in the curtains so I can reach my hand between them and reahc for a hand to hold. Because I don't know what I need.

I just know I need

that.

Now go strip dance and have fun.

I think they call it life, drop it low.

Boom boom boom boom

drop it low.

I'm A Fish With Not Just A Small Pond, But No Pond

I have a headache.

I have had headache for a long time. Longer than I can remember.

And the headache really hurts. Because it's a thumping headache that doesn't go away.

But it is something that doesn't go away and I need to get used to it being there.

I need to get used to it just like I need to get used to the rest of my life. Get used to what it's going to be like from now on.

What is wrong with me.

Why can't I let it go.

Why can't I make it all go away.

And why can't everyone just stop making this worse.

Everything they're trying to do is making it worse.

It doesn't help that the people you thought were your friends are so insensitive that now all they can talk about at lunch is how fucked they want to get and how they all want to coma. And they need it just to have fun. I can't handle. People treating me like I don't care about this. Because I see my friends doing exactly the same thing.

And truth is, I'm scared. I don't want anyone to go down the same track. I don't think I could handle it. But what makes me more angry is that they know I'm going through this. But not one person thinks that maybe it's ok to talk to me like I'm still raw, maybe. That maybe my war wounds aren't even covered with plasters.

And they haven't learnt form this.

How much something like this can totally ruin your life and someone else's.

No one knows anything.

Well someone knows more than nothing.

But no one knows that I'm going to be walking through my life feeling like a failure.

Feeling like I'm not good enough for this.

Not good enough for this air I'm breathing.

Not good enough to be surrounded by people who care.

Because.

This is all my fault. It was never up to my parents to explain the harsh realities of life.

It was up to me. They don't know anything. They know the 60's and the 70's. But today is so much more different and so much harsher. And I was the only one who knew that could tell him. No one else was going to do it. Because You don't go preaching round to your friends, that 'hey, maybe, just maybe, this life is harder than you think it is. If you do this, you will get hurt, if you drive like this you will crash, if you drink lots of this you will coma.'

Oh yeah and if you watch too much television you'll get square eyes and if you eat carrots you will see in the dark and crusts will make your hair curly. Cool because you never wanted curly hair and you never got square eyes and seeing in the dark was due to the torch. I guess that means you never actually drove crazy and you never drank so much you comaed. But you did. I forgot. And that is the reason you've gone. Not to somewhere else. Not some place in the sky or in the ground, although I kidded myself that maybe you could hear what I was saying to you, but I know now that I never believed because there was never even a sign that you maybe even cared. You're a pile of ashes.

And my hand is black and blue for punching the underside of my desk. because that's the only place I can go now when I'm scared. Scared of being alone. Scared of my own thoughts. Scared of letting myself believe. And when I let myself believe for those split seconds I hit the wall so hard it hurts. I hit it so hard it almost dents. And it's all because I could hit you right now. I could punch your face in. Just because you were so damn stupid.

You make me question my own life.

My make me question the meaning of life and if I'm really meant to be here if you are not.

Even though, I still don't believe it. I can't. Because It would just hurt too much.

I hurt myself because I want some of this pain to be gone. Maybe if it hurts now, it won't so much later. Maybe if I wake up in the mornings without being able to feel my hands, or with a head throbbing so hard that I can't see straight, because I take way to many pills, then maybe it means later it won't hurt. It will all go away now.

But I'm cold.

And I'm lost.

I'm running round in circles. Like a girl who swims round and round and no one tells me to stop.

No one.

I'm trying to find the yellow brick road to you.

To me. To who I was before when you were such a big part of my life. When you were my life.

And I can't.

Because I'm all alone in this now.

I'm all alone searching for something that isn't there.

But I'm not admitting that to myself.

Because if I died too then I don't think we would actually be together.

In the eyes of everyone else maybe yes, but seriously, ashes to ashes, dust to dust, we would be a pile of carbon in a box.

Although being with you right now is the thing I want the most.

You have no idea.

If I could make one wish, On my candle, on my star, on my dandelion, you know what it would be. And never again will my wish change. Although it can't possibly come true. No one said that I couldn't let myself think you're still here.

So now I hide in a cave in my room where the darkness lingers and the cold stays like frost upon a lawn. And I cry. And I scream. Because no one is here to hear me. I I cry how much it hurts. And I bang the walls so hard that I feel as if they're going to fall down. And I scream so loud that Barack Obama can hear them across that ditch. Because.

Because.

it doesn't help. Screaming and crying.

It makes me feel stupid and dumb.

because I'm an adult for any sake.

I think I'm empty.

I'm a refugee in my own head.

I feel like I'm the only one in poverty when the people around me revel in their wealth. Their wealth being their family, their brothers, their sisters.

I'm falling.

I can't stand up on my own.

I have strings telling me what to do.

They're making me moves for me.

I just hope they don't do anything too damn stupid.

Because I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Or how much longer I'll be around.

I honestly can't say that.

Because my minds is empty of me.

I don't know who I am any more.

I don't.

I am happy. I am laughing.

But that's not Emily.

That's someone else.

Someone I don't know.

But if that's who I have to be from now on, so people keep on talking to me.

Then that's who I'll be.

I can see myself breaking the people around me.

I can't handle it if they start to feel anything of what I'm feeling. WI would never wish this on anyone.

Never ever.

It is the worst feeling in the world.

I could accept it.

Better.

I fi Had gotten to say bye baby bro.

I'll miss you when you're gone.

You were the best.

But no.

All I got was a

'He's dead.'

I don't believe it.

Those Split Seconds Between my life and my death are going to be the longest seconds ever.

Can I feel you.

Or Can I not.

No.

So I guess.

It's goodbye.

For good.

Bye. xxxx