The Only Escape.

I can't believe that it has come down to this.

A wall between me and you. Me and them. Me and the rest of the world.

I don't think I can handle someone telling me what is right and what is wrong right now. It's too hard.

And here you are telling me what I need, because you know best, right.

You know exactly what is going to be good for me.

You know that I CAN'T sleep alone. SO you make her leave.

You know I CAN'T sleep. So you make me shiver alone.

You know I CAN'T talk to adults. And the only options you give me are an old woman counsellor, a balding matron, or a matron who acts like she's ten but she's thirty.

And you thought it was all my fault.

Why didn't you just ask.

Yes, most of it is my fault.

For her and her,

but the rest,

I'm not like that. I don't go through everyone making them tired and stressed.

THAT'S NOT ME.

I don't know what you are seeing.

Because you are ripping me in half and I can't actually handle this.

I couldn't see your face yesterday in case I actually went to you and stabbed your face.

You made me so angry that you think you know what I'm going through.

You have NO idea.

You don't know how it is to have physical pain strewing from your lungs, every breath is a struggle.

Just to be here is a struggle.

But you think it's over.

You think it's all gone.

Well you're wrong.

It's just beginning.

And It hasn't even really started yet, I'm still walking up to the starting line of the rest of my life. YAY. You don't make this easy for me.

And so now I am going to go and hide inside myself and break myself down just so I don't have to do this.

Just so I don't have to put up with you.

Just so I don't have to be angry at you.

I will not do this the way I feel is right because I will get throttled by everyone.

So I'm going to smile and be happy and be awesome.

And you are going to leave me alone now.

Because if I hear from you once more.

Trying to ruin me.

I will take all my nurofens and die.

Because that,

at this moment in time.

Is my only escape.

'there are no lyrics

here that I could put

to express this feeling

inside.

So I leave it blank,

but full of anger'