We'll See

Sometimes I wonder if this is what it feels like for me,

what must it feel like for you,

it must be completely strange and different,

knowing your connected and I'm not,

it must be completely different being a part of it all,

rather than a spot on the edge,

it must be completely different knowing you are completely secure in this life,

and then me,

totally holding onto every word you say

and every action you make,

because I am so scared

that the smallest thing will send me teetering over the edge, over the edge of this thing they call friendship.

I'm scared,

I never said I'm scared or admitted it,

I'm just scared to lose you, to lose everyone.

I guess by pushing myself and plummeting myself far far away I had so much more time to prepare for the downfall than if I just let you push me.

Nothing can change how it is, dynamics take their own course

but it just sucks that I'm the brunt end of this.

But I think it's gonna be ok when I'm gone.

Finally no more random third wheel to this bicycle ride.

The journey will just begin.

Just make sure I know the track so I can meet you at the other side. But it's your choice to change it without me knowing.

But deep inside, deep deep deep, I hope you don't.

The jealousy, that scariness, the dark when I'm not a part of your light.

It hurts more than you could ever know.

But the night has to take over sometime, I'm not made of everything positive like anyone else.

And that I guess I will have to miss.

I miss you all already.

But will you ever miss me.

We'll see.