Truth, Bitter Truth

I woke up last night at about 4 o'clock with a cockroach running all over me. I couldn't stop screaming for about ten minutes, and realised how irrational I was, so I shut up, shook my duvet, checked for other cockroaches and went back to bed.

But today all I could think about, bar my friend who's in some considerable pain, was every movement of hair on my body, every itch and everything I touched. I thought everything was a cockroach and my heart skipped a beat. It was like I was living in fear.

I am living in fear all the time for obvious reasons, but not this sort of fear, not all the time every minute of every day fear.

oh it's called Blattodephobia. Or phobia of Roaches. I'm absolutely terrified.

I caught four today. I know it's silly, but I can't help jumping just at the thought of one. ewww

Terrified: thrown into a state of intense fear or desperation.

that's me.

Intense fear.

Not just of roaches, but really, of everything.

Tschuss

Oh yeah yeah, but oh I never thought it ever be, ever be this hard.
It's been three weeks, since I got a decent sleep.'